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Bible verses for when you can't forgive someone

Forgiving doesn't say what they did was okay, and it doesn't mean trusting them again. It hands the debt to God, who judges fairly.

When someone has hurt you badly, forgiving can feel like letting them off the hook. These verses show what forgiveness is, what it isn't, and who carries the debt.

What it sounds like

  • “I can't forgive them.”
  • “They don't deserve my forgiveness.”
  • “I can't get over what they did to me.”
  • “I'm so bitter.”
  • “They deserve to pay for what they did.”

Four verses for today

  1. 1Ephesians 4:31-32

    Read in context
    Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.

    Paul tells believers to put bitterness away and forgive the way God forgave them in Christ. Forgiving starts with remembering how much you've been forgiven.

  2. 2Romans 12:19

    Read in context
    Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

    You don't have to make them pay. God sees what happened, and He will judge it rightly. Leaving it to Him isn't saying it didn't matter.

  3. 31 Peter 2:23

    Read in context
    When they heaped abuse on Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats, but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.

    When Jesus was abused, He didn't hit back. He handed Himself over to the One who judges fairly. You can hand your case to God too.

  4. 4Hebrews 12:15

    Read in context
    See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no root of bitterness springs up to cause trouble and defile many.

    Bitterness grows like a root and spreads. It ends up troubling you and the people around you.

Verses from the Berean Standard Bible.

Say it out loud

God forgave me in Christ, and He can help me forgive. I don't have to make them pay. I hand this to God, who judges fairly.

More Bible declarations like this

A prayer

God, I'm hurt and I don't want to forgive. You know what they did. I hand it to You, because You judge fairly. Help me forgive as You've forgiven me, even if it takes many tries, and heal what's hurting. Amen.

Questions people ask

Does forgiving mean I have to trust them again?

No. Forgiving lets go of the debt; trust has to be rebuilt, and that takes time and real change on their side. Romans 12:18 says to live at peace with everyone as far as it depends on you. If someone is abusing you, forgiving doesn't mean staying in danger. If you're not safe, call 911, and talk with a counselor or a pastor.

Do I have to forgive someone who isn't sorry?

Jesus told His followers to forgive when they pray, if they hold anything against anyone (Mark 11:25). Being reconciled is different: that takes the other person owning what they did (Luke 17:3). You can let go of revenge even if they never say sorry.

What if I forgive and the anger comes back?

That's normal. When Peter asked how many times to forgive, Jesus said seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). Forgiving is often a choice you make again each time the hurt comes back. Tell God honestly how you feel, and choose again.

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